


just a moment

by wakeupmoonchild



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:40:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24036007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupmoonchild/pseuds/wakeupmoonchild
Summary: Doyoung thinks that he's got everything under control. An injury says otherwise.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 14
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To be quite honest, I don't have a lot of goals to hit for this first fic, apart from the desire to see where this takes me in terms of exploring difficult emotions. Given that, I'd like to give out a trigger warning. For anyone who's ever had an injury and is sensitive to topics like the ones aforementioned in the tags, please proceed with caution. If need be, you may skip reading this, it's okay. For the people who'll eventually read this, thank you for giving it a shot. I hope you like it!
> 
> A small note: Since I'll be exploring as much as you guys, tags will be updated if needed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung's gone a long way. In his final year of university, a moment threatens the integrity of everything he's built up.

Doyoung uses the entire length of his arm to reach for a bag of macaroni pasta from the top shelf. The cart full of other groceries vibrates when Doyoung tosses it down before hands grab hold of the handle to push it further down the aisle.

Spending the last three months cooped up inside a rented conference room with two other thesis mates was something Doyoung had little desire for. Just like the time he was accepted into his dream university under the condition of spending a year with a rare communication course he didn’t want. The utter frustration could be directed at a few things -- the fact that he barely missed the qualifying score for the course he truly wanted, and the fact that he’ll be wasting a year pretending to like subjects and people he’ll surely forget once he shifts. Doyoung was determined to see this year as temporary. Just a bump in the road.

But the pretense was lined with his natural drive to do exceptionally well. Even if he wanted to slack off, skip class, hell, earn a failing mark, Doyoung sacrificed time that was supposed to be for making new friends and joining organizations, and dedicated it to filling up paperwork and investing in supplementary classes. On the days where he could catch a break, he would observe his classmates chatting around in their own circles, hands cradling stacks of loose paper and metal food carriers seen on trendy instagram shops, wondering how could they laugh so carelessly knowing they’re about to be subjected into an hour long drawl of a professor too full of himself. Loneliness threatens to creep up from the dark corner he constantly keeps watch of. But he didn’t have time to dwell on feelings that don’t serve him. Times like these, diverting an aching heart to sleepless nights seemed to do the trick. A distraction long enough to get him to the last semester.

Arriving at the final stage meant he was close to ceasing his pretense and starting anew. So close to do the things he truly wants. The excitement brimmed from the edges of his mind, but Doyoung was keen on maintaining the vice grip upon himself. There’s still three months left to make sure this opportunity to shift won’t slip through his fingers.

At the height of the final semester came a conference for incoming majors students. It would’ve been a waste for Doyoung to attend, but his anxiety convinced him to not risk anything.

He seated himself at the highest, furthest corner of the conference room, hoodie drawn up to cover half of his face to mask the boredom drooping from his eyelids, and watched as the professors introduced themselves and the majors they’ll be in charge of. The pen threatened to drop from his hand more times than he could count before changing positions to lean back on his chair, thinking maybe that could help him stay awake until the end.

The last professor took the stand. She was lithe, but her stare carried a weight that commanded the entire room. His body subconsciously lifted from its seat, drawn to the lady on the podium. 

The weight of her elegance and command translated to how she spoke about her expertise -- she was a communications specialist for charity organizations that help children from traffickers and abusers, and give them a deservingly bright future.

There were a lot of things Doyoung held close to his heart, closest of which are children. Fortunate enough to be born into a family that loved him unconditionally, he grew up witnessing how the love of his parents transcended beyond their home and into their community, their small acts of kindness touching the heart of other people. That was what built the foundation for Doyoung’s view on love. Over the years, he found himself choosing to love children that were undeservingly deprived from it.

Like a strong wave crashing upon the shore, the woman’s passion reminded him of the very reason of attending university and shifting to a course he assumed would help him live out his calling. For the first time in that entire year, Doyoung paid attention. Maybe if he found himself under this woman’s tutelage, he shouldn’t have had to look anywhere else.

A renewed self, it was easy to admit to his parents that a complete stranger touched his heart, convincing him not to shift courses anymore. He remembers watching his parents share a look, one that felt like maybe they knew all along. They were happy that their son wasn’t closed off to what fate had offered him. That was enough for Doyoung to drop the pretense and give this a well-deserved chance.

Doyoung was glad he stayed. He had found friendship in Taeyong, a batchmate who had a trailblazer reputation with a heart of gold. In the early weeks of their friendship, he found out that Taeyong had been trying to make friends with him since first year. With the memories from when he would grow lonely from watching other people be happy with their friends, Doyoung made a promise to not lead himself back to that state, to try and not push people away.

His friendship with Taeyong led him to have friendships with Johnny and Jaehyun. Johnny was the other half to Taeyong’s romance while Jaehyun was the architecture major who had become best friends with Johnny after meeting at a wine enthusiasts club. 

A small chuckle escapes from Doyoung’s lips as he slowed to a stop at another aisle in the grocery store. It wasn’t that hard to recall all the adventures he and his friends had the past three years. Doyoung recalls nursing a hangover with Taeyong as they helped each other finish a 50-page reading for a class that was starting in 15 minutes. He recalls Johnny seated at the director’s chair, confidently guiding the cameras to get the best shots of their basketball championship game. He remembers bursting into tears at an empty hallway because his thesis group still hadn’t found a client their mentor approved of. He remembers Jaehyun being by his side, offering a shoulder to lean on and a song to comfort him.

It wasn’t that hard to figure out that Jaehyun harboured feelings for him that were beyond friendship. What was difficult was acknowledging that out of all the people, Jaehyun had chosen him. Jaehyun was a legacy child -- his parents were alumni of the university’s architecture program and had become influential figures in the field. In his eyes, it would’ve been easier for Jaehyun to be with someone of the same stature rather than be with the likes of him. Who, despite growing up in a loving family, had his heart lured before with sweet empty promises, only to be taken advantage of in the end. In his eyes, he was still the second choice when it came to matters of the heart.

Looking back at it now, it had been ironic how he broke his own promise and tried so hard to convince Jaehyun that somebody else was much more deserving of his love. How he even tried to set Jaehyun up with other people which earned Doyoung the biggest fight he had with Taeyong, how he’d taken an entire week away from them all to be with his own thoughts, breaking them down to rebuild them anew because he had finally realized that despite the mistakes in the past, he was worthy of love. Doyoung was worthy of loving himself...loving Jaehyun. Doyoung was worthy to give them both a shot.

In a single night, Doyoung channelled his realized feelings into a language Jaehyun knows very well. Lord knows how many Youtube videos he had consumed on how to construct the most basic of blueprints just so he can craft a hidden message within -- a confession of love to the man that stayed by his side. Just when he thought that drawing scales and frames were immensely difficult, using brunch as a pretense to stop by Jaehyun’s apartment to slip the paper in his drafting table was almost impossible.

He was rolling the paper across the table when he heard Jaehyun clear his throat from behind. Doyoung was a deer caught in the headlights, only managing to turn his head to see Jaehyun by the entrance with his arms crossed and an eyebrow quirked in question. Doyoung fumbled for an excuse, something along the lines of having a “cousin” who was a freshman in architecture that needed help with his drawing.

But even he knew that was a lame excuse and he wouldn’t blame Jaehyun for having laughed at his silliness. Sighing in defeat, he handed over the blueprint for Jaehyun to read. Doyoung turned his attention to the floor, deciding that if the consequences leaned for the worst, at least his tears will be obscured from view. 

The tips of Jaehyun’s fingers clasped softly on his chin, lifting his face up so they could see eye to eye. Jaehyun’s gaze became too much, too soon that he had to break away and stare at the wall, tracing the faint lines that imitate wood grain.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” Jaehyun’s soft baritone glides across the short distance to lure Doyoung’s gaze back. “Thank you for the gift.”

“Was it worth the wait?”

“You’ve always been worth it, Doyoung.” Tears cascade down Doyoung’s cheeks, but he couldn’t be bothered as he surged forward to close the distance between them, arms wound around Jaehyun’s neck to pull their bodies closer together. A soft laugh slips from his lips, happy that he had given his heart to someone who would truly take care of it.

Doyoung snaps from his reverie when he hears the ring of his phone echoing in the near empty aisles of the grocery. He makes a grab for a tub of tomato paste and throws it into the cart before he reaches around the back pocket for his phone.

_“Hey, angel. I’m 20 minutes away, okay?”_ Doyoung feels a pleasant shiver zap down his spine from the way Jaehyun’s voice filters through the receiver.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go check out now.” Doyoung says, pushing forward from the aisle and heading towards the cashier.

_“Don’t forget, the guards don’t allow cars to linger too long by the entrance anymore.”_

“Mhm. Call me again when you’re five minutes away?” Doyoung smiles to himself. It had been Jaehyun’s idea to go home together everyday. It didn’t matter if one were to stay late or to leave, nor whether the place was near or far, it’s second nature for Jaehyun to call him before pulling out of the driveway. He’d mentioned it once, that it brought him contentment whenever Doyoung was already by his side, even if there were times where he wouldn’t give him the time of day because he was glued to his phone.

_“Alright. See you soon.”_

Doyoung fumbles with his fingers a little bit when he ends the call, returning it to his back pocket before rounding the corner to a register with the shortest line.

It was his turn when he glances at his watch, relieved that he’ll have enough time to pay and walk up to the entrance without feeling chased. Doyoung finds himself zoning out to the cashier’s smooth coordination of taking the items with one hand and gliding it across the barcode scanner with the other. It had been a relief to stay stationary just like this, savouring the peace and quiet he hadn’t experienced since beginning his thesis. In that moment, he wished for all of this to be over with so that he can rest, preferably enveloped in Jaehyun’s arms. Doyoung momentarily rouses from his state to hand in his card.

“I’m so sorry, sir. Our card reader’s malfunctioning. I’ll have to call my supervisor.”

Doyoung takes another glance at his watch, thinking of whether he should wait or offer to pay in cash.

“Sure.” Doyoung nods. He still has time.

He watches the cashier leave to look for the supervisor when his phone rings. That couldn’t be Jaehyun already?

The popping sound of static makes Doyoung jerk his head away for a moment before pressing his ear back to the phone. The static gives way to the building background noise of a moving train before he hears his thesis mate’s frantic voice.

_“Doyoung! Our location coordinator can’t find the contract for the venue.”_

“What do you mean? We sent that in two weeks ago.”

_“I’m still trying to find out but without that contract, our reservation’s non-existent.”_

“That’s impossible--”

“I’m sorry, sir. But we can’t fix our card reader. Would you like to--” The cashier says upon returning.

“Yes, yes. I’ll pay in cash.” 

“What was I saying? We’ve had this reservation agreed upon for months and now they’re saying they can’t find the contract?” Doyoung bends at the neck to press the phone against his shoulder, hands patting around the pockets of his jeans, retrieving the wallet to pull out the bills and gives them over to the cashier.

_“I know. I just called to ask if maybe they emailed you about it beforehand? I just wanted make sure that they have nothing to blame us for when I talk to them--”_

“Hold on. Someone’s calling.” Doyoung lifts his head and lets the phone slide down for a fraction before catching it with his hand, fingers immediately pressing hold on his current call upon seeing Jaehyun’s name on the screen.

_“I’m five minutes away, baby.”_

“Oh, shit. Okay, babe. I-I’ll be there soon.” He puts the back phone in between his cheek and shoulder before taking the grocery bags with both hands, feeling a sharp tinge of pain in some of his fingers from grabbing it too fast. 

_“Is everything okay? Did something happen?”_

“I’ll tell you when I get in the car. I’m already walking to the entrance.”

_“Take you time, I can always circle around.”_

“I’ll be there, don’t circle around!” Doyoung blurts out a quick goodbye, shifting bags from one hand to the other before taking the phone again, promising his thesis mate a call back when he gets home before locking the device.

He finally slips his phone into any of the pockets, shifting back the bags into his empty hand. Doyoung thinks of nothing else but to brisk across the grocery and towards the walkalator and doesn’t even bother to stay still and just continues upwards towards the entrance, tiny beads of sweat already breaking out from the hairline.

Emerging from the sliding doors of the grocery, Doyoung takes a second to look left and right for sight of Jaehyun’s car. His head begins to hurt, a sign of immense stress and he just wants to blame someone, something, for breaking his moment of peace. But this is something he can still control, he won’t let another mishap get in his way. He’s quite frankly had enough.

He spots the familiar black SUV and swiftly approaches it, not minding the dirty looks he gets from the people he accidentally bumps into. The bags chafe against the thin material of his trousers and the sting of his fingers return with a burning sensation. The sight of the car grows as he inches closer and closer. 

His arm reaches out for the handle of the front door when the ground beneath him disappears, feet suspended in mid-air. Doyoung can feel his gut lose its footing too, catching on his chest and taking his breath away. All that his vision sees is the rapid descent of his body towards the glossy black of the car before he hears a loud thud deafening his ears.

“Doyoung!!”

When his vision recovers, the first thing Doyoung sees are his forearms pressed against the fender, bags no longer in his hands. Eyes dart around the area to see passerby rounding up near him erupting in a consistent throng of gasps and whispers that Doyoung can’t make out, the silence giving way to a shrill ringing in his ears. 

“Doyoung, baby, are you okay?” 

Doyoung eyes follow the muffled sound of Jaehyun’s voice until it lands on his face. Jaehyun’s crouched down to his eye level, pristine features wrinkled in worry. His own face moves into a frown, upset upon seeing that look on Jaehyun’s face. 

“What happened to me?” The ringing in his ears finally stop and Doyoung can hear the murmurs of his spectators. He didn’t see the curb, they said. That’s why he fell, they said.

Doyoung heeds, lowering his eyes to look at his feet. The right leg was bent at the knee and turned over inwards while the left leg was over the curb at an odd angle, knee pressed against the rim while the outer side of his ankle was bent against the gravel.

It feels like he was looking at someone else’s legs, a puppet that had fallen after its strings were cut off. But the longer his eyes lingered at his bent ankle, the faster he begins to feel the pain shooting up from it. Doyoung cries out, arms flying off the fender to grasp tightly at his trousers.

“I know, baby. But you have to let the medic take a look at you.” Jaehyun takes both of his hands, thumbs gliding across his knuckles to coax his hands to loosen their hold.

Doyoung hadn’t even noticed the medic by Jaehyun’s side, crouched down to open the first aid kit. Doyoung watches the medic gently pull his leg from the curb to lie it straight on the floor, pulling up the left leg of his trousers to inspect his ankle. Fear seeps into him, coming to terms that his fall had brought about a worse outcome than what he had anticipated. 

The first thing he sees is red, how the color seeps from the epicenter of his outer ankle and wraps around the rest of his foot, how the color pulses and leads Doyoung’s attention towards the way his left ankle looked rounder than his right, the angles of his bone protrusions gone.

Deep inside, Doyoung knew what had happened. But he simply refuses to acknowledge it. Especially not at this time where he’d rather tend to the arisen problem that threatens the integrity of his thesis.

“We need to get you to the hospital.” The medic says. 

“I can’t have that. I’m sorry.” Doyoung shakes his head as fast and as strong as how he’d jostle the water from his hair after a shower.

“I’m sorry, sir. But I the injury seems worse that I’d anticipated. It’s best to have a doctor examine you thoroughly.”

“Did you hear what I just said? I don’t want to do it because--”

“Baby.” Jaehyun’s voice cuts in, firm, and Doyoung doesn’t have to look his way to see the heightening concern that was taking over his features.

At the moment, he wondered why he even argued with the medic in the first place. If it were anything mild, it would’ve been easy for Doyoung to stand and go on about his way. But this was an injury that rendered him motionless. The possibility of doing permanent damage on his foot crossed his mind and that was a thought Doyoung wanted addressed.

Doyoung had been adamant in not having the medic call his parents to inform the news and convinced to have Jaehyun follow with his car. Riding an ambulance was certainly not what children had imagined them to be. Once inside, dread grips you like a vice, amplified by the medic’s stoic eyes and the gentle jostle of his left ankle. A low vibration tickles the spot where his phone is and Doyoung takes it to look at the screen, grimaces at how it’s now shattered in a web-like pattern, to see multiple missed calls from his thesis mate. He was about to open one of its notifications when his phone comes alive with an incoming call from the same person. 

“I thought I said I’d call you later?...Yeah, I’m a little bit busy being in an ambulance...No, you don’t need to come after me, just text me for now, okay? Bye.”

Doyoung no longer bothered to make sure to end the call, carefully fitting his phone back into the pocket of his jeans when he noticed the medic looking at him.

“It’s just a groupmate.” Doyoung says. “He’s been on edge about some problem we have.” The medic looks puzzled, probably wondering why he was talking to him about something unrelated to his current predicament. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I think you should focus on getting your injury sorted first.”

He’s right, Doyoung thinks. But he can’t resist the urge to ignore him and heed the constant vibration of his phone, the tune indicative of the influx of messages most probably from their other groupmate who’s probably just found out about the news.

A gust of of cold wind welcomes Doyoung as he’s being pushed inside the emergency room in a wheelchair, Jaehyun trailing right behind him. As they cross over the entryway towards the ward, Doyoung sees the image of fellow patients in varying degrees of pain and distress. It sinks in on him that he’s become part of them, unwillingly so. Panic replaces the fear in his gut and manifests in the way he tries to make small talk with the nurse that’s taking his vitals.

Conversation flies over the nurse’s head and Doyoung gives up on expending his nervousness that way and fumble with his fingers instead, nails catching on the minute patches of dirt that were stuck on the edges of his nails. A warm hand lands on his shoulder, and Doyoung turns his head around to look at Jaehyun who was standing right beside him. One of his hands come up to tightly clasp Jaehyun’s.

“Are you sure you don’t want to call your parents?”

“No, I’d rather not. It’s pretty late so they’re probably asleep.”

“This isn’t like those nights where we get drunk at Taeyong and Johnny’s. This isn’t some sleepover.” Since the accident, Doyoung hadn’t taken a good look at Jaehyun and can see how the features of his face, even to the tiniest of details, seemed at ease. But he knew better than to take these by its surface. Doyoung’s eyes trail down to his lips, pursed in the same way it always did when he tried to suppress his emotions. It was hard to see him like this, and he wished he could say anything to make that look disappear.

“Who knows? Maybe this is nothing at all.” Doyoung shrugs. 

“One moment, I was watching you walk towards me and the next, I saw you falling over your feet and hitting half your body against the car.”

“Yeah, but the curb wasn’t that high.” 

“Don’t…” Jaehyun pauses, trying to gather himself. “...say that. I could sue the building management for that.”

Doyoung knows he could very much well do that, as it was every right of any other person who’d get into an accident.

“You don’t have to do that, Jae. It’s probably not worth it,” and Doyoung believes that. He was just one in a thousand people that roam around the area on a daily basis. If said accident were to happen, they can easily brush it off as a rare occurrence.

“What do you mean? You’re in the hospital right now because of it.”

Their conversation cuts off when a nurse arrives in front of Doyoung, her pressed white uniform unable to distract attention away from her tired face and informs him that he’s about to be taken for an x-ray.

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? Just please don’t do anything while I’m gone.” Doyoung says, forcing a lilt to his voice.

Doyoung watches Jaehyun throw him an unamused expression. Maybe it’s the mix of pain, fear and nerves that made him laugh as he was wheeled towards the lab.

An ambulance ride can’t compare to the isolation one feels when inside an x-ray lab. The white noise made it seem like Doyoung was in a separate world and he was glad that he didn’t have to stay there for long as he was wheeled back to the nurse’s station, Jaehyun standing up from his seat to meet him halfway and bring them to his room. 

The last time Doyoung had been inside a hospital room was when he was an ambitious high school freshman, juggling his school and charity work in an outlying province. Back then, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that his body can fail him until he had come home one day, only to collapse on the front steps. His parents had rushed him to the hospital, their voices the only tether he held onto to stay awake long enough until he had been brought inside a room just like this. Overexhaustion was the diagnosis his doctor gave him and was advised to use his three-day confinement in total bedrest. Doyoung couldn’t remember much apart from the constant slips in between rest and wake, the rhythmic dripping of his IV and the sickening feeling of helplessness he prefers to never experience ever again.

Jaehyun sees the shift in Doyoung’s expression, stopping the wheelchair next to the bed before coming around to pick him up and lie him gently across. Jaehyun takes a seat near the foot of the bed and places a hand on his left thigh.

“How do you feel?” Jaehyun whispers.

“You know how I feel about it.” Doyoung responds, his voice quivering.

“I do. But I still need you to say it.” Jaehyun presses, and Doyoung just hates how he’s right.

“I just feel helpless.” Doyoung begins. “All I ever wanted was to come home and cook us dinner. I never even imagined that I’d be here because I was stupid enough to trip over a-a curb! Of all things, a damn curb!”

Doyoung feels Jaehyun’s hand begin to rub soothing circles, a sign of encouragement.

“I would’ve even trip if I wasn’t rushing out of the grocery! And I wouldn’t even rush if the card reader would’ve just accepted my card and my thesis mate just had to call with another problem for our event. I just--nothing went right tonight and now I have this--” Doyoung gestures to his left ankle. “I honestly hope it’s just a sprain because being here is the last thing that I want right now.”

Doyoung takes a deep breath and relishes in the way it relieves him for a moment before tears spring from the corners of his eyes. In a second, Jaehyun is next to him on the bed, guiding his head to rest on his shoulder. It’s only then when Doyoung allows himself to break down into sobs.

“I’m scared.” Doyoung chokes out, arms wounding tight around Jaehyun’s torso.

“I know.” Jaehyun turns his head to plant a soft kiss on Doyoung’s forehead. “I’m scared too. But I know that no matter what happens, we’ll get through it together. Okay?”

Despite the turn of events, Doyoung knows that Jaehyun’s right. The past may be filled with moments of pushing him away, but those only proved that Jaehyun never made promises he can’t keep. As long as he was with Jaehyun, he shouldn’t have to worry about a thing. But for now, he’ll settle with crying his heart out. Let the release of tears and the warmth from Jaehyun’s body lull him to sleep. The fear can come back tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave kudos and comments! It motivates me!
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/wakeupmoonchild)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/wakeupmoonchild)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the integrity of everything he's built up threatening to tumble, will it affect the future Doyoung's dreaming of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written during a time where I made a promise to myself to write every day, no matter how much I get to put down. It has been incredibly helpful in keeping me sane despite the trying times today, which is why I want to introduce this chapter as a momentary escape. It's lighter in tone, but I hope you'll like it still!
> 
> I'd forgotten to include this at the start. But please do not repost this work, or any of these characters elsewhere. 
> 
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (mini-note: I've updated the tags with additional appropriate themes!)

A broken and a dislocated ankle.

Those were the first words to come out of the doctor’s mouth upon arriving at his room.

When he compares the events of last night to all the other times he had been clumsy enough to trip over his own feet, why was this one any different?

Apparently, the curb may have had a small height from the ground, but the weight and force of the fall was what ultimately contributed to the rather severe injury.

Doyoung watches the doctor unwrap the splits covering his ankle. The angry red had given way to waves of blues and purples all over his foot and he had to momentarily jerk away when the doctor checked the bruises and tender flesh. It began as a dull ache, but the pain got shaper as it got closer to the epicenter. Jaehyun holds his hand from where it lay between them, thumb gently gliding across his knuckles to help distract him from the pain.

A sigh of relief escapes from Doyoung as the doctor pulls away, writing quick in his clipboard before returning his attention to them. This was his chance to ask a million things. What happens next? How broken was the ankle? Does it happen like in the cartoons where they just use sheer force to set it right back? Will he be injected with anaesthesia while they’re at it? Dose strong enough that he wakes up loopy the next morning? 

Doyoung holds back, convinced that these are stupid questions the doctor won’t bother to answer, and settles for watching Jaehyun be the one asking sensible questions. Will he have to undergo surgery? Will he have to extend his stay at the hospital? Will he need crutches or a wheelchair? Or maybe both? What kind of pain medication does he need? How about physical therapy?

They listen intently when the doctor answers. No, there’s no need for surgery. But there is a need for them to set his ankle back before they apply the cast. Yes, they have to extend an additional two more days. It depends on where Doyoung’s most comfortable with, but the recommendation are crutches. Pain medication is needed, but only when intolerable. Physical therapy can be arranged when he’s done with his cast, which could take about four to six weeks. Seeming that they no longer had any more questions, the doctor takes his leave.

When he takes all of this in, Doyoung realizes that he and Jaehyun had wondered about the same things, only in different ways. 

There was a way to how Jaehyun converses with people. It was easy for him to look at a situation and act accordingly, carrying himself with a charm that captures people’s attention and a level of respect that begets respect. Along with it, Jaehyun also carries himself according to who he was with. To the doctor, he was a worried boyfriend. To his coursemates, he was a respected student. To strangers, he was distant and wary. 

To many, Jaehyun is mistaken as a chameleon, changing skin to preserve a favorable image.

But the truth is, Jaehyun likes his privacy and chooses a few people with whom he’ll share his true colors with. To his family, he was a responsible, loving son. To their circle of friends, he was the kind of weird that you can’t help but coo at the cringe of it all. To Doyoung, he was all of these and so much more. 

In a way, he was thankful that Jaehyun was the one to take the initiative, not because he was embarrassed, but because he remembers how in stressful situations; he tends to get in his head too much, and Jaehyun likes to ask questions because he doesn’t like being left in the dark.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jaehyun asks, hand still intertwined with his, thumb rubbing gentle circles across his knuckles.

“Just...” Doyoung hesitates. “I didn’t want for it to be this bad.” 

“Neither did I. But look at it this way, it won’t be a complicated procedure.” Jaehyun turned fully to him now, a playful smile on his lips. “Next thing you know, you’ll be like those funny videos we see on the internet.”

“Shut up!” Doyoung laughs, using his other hand to slap Jaehyun in the arm. “I’d better not see your phone anywhere near me when it happens!”

The day passes by like a blur. One minute, he was waving goodbye to Jaehyun as he was wheeled towards the operating room, and the next minute, the anaesthesia injected into his veins is lulling him into a deep, dreamless slumber.

When Doyoung comes to the next day, the first thing he sees is a colorful fruit plate of watermelons, peaches and mangoes perched on his lap. It was a pleasant sight to see, but the unfamiliar pattern of his hospital gown catches his attention. The nurses must’ve helped him change after the surgery, but that doesn’t explain his hand holding a watermelon slice halfway through his mouth.

The amount of anaesthesia should’ve rendered him close to a drunken stupor so it’s impossible to have been mobile enough to move, much more feed himself, yet he was doing those right now. Doyoung begins to second-guess if the procedure had happened at all or maybe he was just dreaming. A glance to his left leg answers his question, ankle wrapped in a huge cast and elevated by several pillows.

“Hey, angel. Something wrong?” Doyoung whips his head to face Jaehyun who was seated next to him with a fruit plate of his own.

“How…? How did I get here? Why am I holding food?”

“What’re you talking about?” Jaehyun asks, voice muffled from the peach he was eating.

“I-- The last thing I remember was being wheeled to the operating room and I wake up to me halfway through eating a watermelon?”

Jaehyun’s confusion dictates the way his brows furrow. Doyoung’s anxiety spikes, weighed down by the feeling of being left out of something crucial.

“You’ve been awake for hours now.” Jaehyun explains, setting his plate on the small table nearby. “You don’t remember waking up at all?”

“No. I do remember waking up. I just woke up now.” Doyoung emphasizes, hoping that it’ll make Jaehyun understand that there was something inherently wrong with him right now.

“Oh, boy. This is worse than Johnny getting his wisdom tooth out.” 

Doyoung recognizes that voice and whips his head to the other side of the room where he finds Taeyong seated on an ottoman. 

Even in this setting, Taeyong still looked put together with a simple hoodie and jeans. But despite the pristine white of his hoodie and the casual way his back rests against the wall, Doyoung can see how tight-lipped Taeyong’s smile was, how his skin is a tad bit pale and dry from the lack of sleep. 

“Taeyong! When did you get here? Where’s Johnny?”

“Jaehyun called while you were in the operating room. I came here as fast as I could. Johnny wanted to come along but he’s stuck in the director’s chair ‘till later this afternoon.” Taeyong gets up to take a seat at the foot of Doyoung’s bed. “Your clumsiness knows no bounds, huh?”

Doyoung nods. He should be embarrassed, but Taeyong’s known him long enough to have witnessed most, if not all, of Doyoung’s episodes of clumsiness.

“Do you really not remember anything at all?”

Doyoung nods again, itching to find out what had happened while he was under.

“Well, you pretty much woke up, quote-unquote, early this morning.” Taeyong begins, an amused smile on his face. “You looked pretty decent in comparison. No, you looked absolutely sober. Heck, you even started asking the doctor serious questions--”

“You even recounted the procedure step by step.” Jaehyun pipes in, sporting the same amused smile as he watches their conversation.

“Anyways,” Doyoung turns his attention back to Taeyong. “We all figured that maybe you never went fully under, that’s why we went on about the day. While we were taking you back to your room, you even told us that you were craving for fruit that’s why Jaehyun bought some. While we were eating, you were even whining about how heavy the cast was, and how it would be better if you had us draw on it, and then...” Taeyong makes a snapping gesture. “you just paused, mid-way through your watermelon, asking us what had happened.”

The events prior seemed utterly absurd that he bends forward in a burst of laughter, the force of it threatening the plate to fall from the side. Doyoung catches it on time, not breaking the stream of joyous sound. Doyoung attempts to hand the plate over to Jaehyun, hands shaking along with the vibrations of his body. 

Jaehyun and Taeyong join him on the laughter now, before his boyfriend takes the plate away from him to prevent a mess. The laughter dies down after a while, the three of them settling into a comfortable silence.

“My parents?” Doyoung asks, remembering how he’d been adamant on not calling them the night before.

“I called them too. They were with us until you asked for fruit and took that opportunity to go back home and freshen up.” Jaehyun responds.

As the last dregs of anaesthesia wear off, Doyoung fills up with guilt. It was quite selfish of him to keep this from his parents, even if he came from a place that put their emotions first before his own. Now, he realizes that what he did had brought them even greater distress and he doesn’t know what to expect when they come back.

When his parents enter the room, Doyoung is surprised to be greeted with a soft smile and a warm hug before his father goes to unload a small duffel of clothes and bathroom essentials on the cabinet and en-suite bathroom, and his mother sits beside him on the bed, a paper bag full of pastries which Jaehyun goes to gently take away from her hands.

“Why didn’t you tell us right away?” She says, hand coming up to thread her fingers across his hair.

“I didn’t want you to worry.” Doyoung answers, his voice croaking towards the end.

“We’ll always worry about you, honey. Even more when you hide things from us.”

“I’m sorry, mom.” Tears prick at the edges of his eyes and Doyoung tries to hold them back for as long as he could before they spilled over.

“It’s okay.” Doyoung’s mom moves to wipe the tears away, her soft smile still present. “We’re all here now.”

The sight of his loved ones in the room brings a feeling he hadn’t felt in a while, comfort. When time is money, it’s difficult to go over a decision one more time, to call back for clarification, to take a seat without that instant guilt nagging that he should be doing something, to even take a long, deep breath. 

But at this moment, it feels good to allows himself just this small indulgence. The guilt ebbs away and Doyoung has never felt thankful for an injury other than right now. It was unfortunate to have been hurt, but if this was what it took to get him to rest for a moment, he’ll gladly take it.

Johnny bounds through the door a few minutes past four, the nurses walking past the room cast an incredulous glance his way and Johnny raises a hand so as if to apologize before closing the door behind him. Johnny sheepishly greets his parents before they leave the room to give them all some space.

The jingle of car keys gets muffled when Johnny shoves them into the pocket of his jeans that is sure to have his pen and phone, the only items Johnny brings whenever he’s to direct a game that day. 

Judging from how he’s still wearing his signature cap, Johnny must’ve foregone fixing his hair, maybe even changing his shirt, and drove straight to the hospital. 

It’s confirmed when Johnny engulfs him in a bone-crushing hug, the scent of sweat hinting at his nostrils. 

“Jesus, Doyoung! When Jaehyun said that you broke your ankle, I thought he was lying.” Unlike Taeyong, Johnny had been fortunate enough to have rarely seen Doyoung’s mishaps, at least, not enough for Johnny to think he was capable of this new level of clumsiness. For that, he felt quite hopeful. At least someone still thinks that his hand-eye coordination is salvageable.

“Thanks. How was the game?” Doyoung asks. He’d been completely uninterested in sports at first. But when he met Jaehyun and Johnny, that level of interest grew exponentially over the years. Now, he’s much more invested in keeping up with overall scores than his own boyfriend.

“Home started out rough. But overcame the Away by fourth quarter.”

“That’s a little too close for comfort.”

“Tell me about it. I guess our rising rookie got a little nervous that the ball slipped and almost hit my new cameraman. But I’m looking at it as his rite of passage.” 

The rest of the afternoon passes by like a breeze, sharing stories while taking turns drawing cute animals on Doyoung’s cast. When visiting hours drew to a close, Taeyong and Johnny make their leave, but not before Johnny makes Doyoung promise to heal in time for the university’s championship game in two months. Doyoung assures him, not wanting to be the only one to miss their yearly tradition.

The room’s quieter now, the setting sun casting a wonderful orange glow. He looks up to see Jaehyun working his way around the room, cleaning up leftover wrappers and organizing stray items purposefully ignored while they had visitors. 

It’s nice being able to see their friends, laughing off the stress and exhaustion they’d accumulated over the course of the night. It was even better when that had put Jaehyun into a more relaxed mood, seeing as how his shoulders seem less tense, his movements less rigid and jerky, his gaze softer. 

“Hey.” Doyoung whispers. Jaehyun catches it and turns to face him. “Maybe we can go for a walk? Just around the grounds.”

“But the doctor said to keep your ankle elevated for at least 24 hours.” Jaehyun responds.

“Please? I’ve been in this room for two days now.” Doyoung pleads. It does feel a little bit unsettling to disobey the doctor’s orders. But the sunset’s glow was too pretty to be appreciated from the confines of four walls.

“Alright.” Jaehyun concedes easily, walking to the cabinet to retrieve the wheelchair. As he unfolds it by the bedside, Doyoung reaches forward to gingerly lift his casted leg from the stack of pillows to join his other leg in dangling from the edge of the bed. Jaehyun lifts him up from the waist and knees, settling him down on the wheelchair effortlessly. After adjusting his legs on the footrest, Jaehyun wheels them, with a hint of stealth, out of the room towards the grounds. 

Just like this one, most hospitals were situated in busier areas of the city, which makes the urban layout unforgiving for establishments wanting to have that extra bit of space.

This was an exception. This one seemed to have money to buy enough land to make their grounds possible. Past the doors of their towering facility was a sea of green with garden pavements that stretched continuously around the property, allowing patients to walk around with ease, a breather in the midst of a cramped metropolitan.

Jaehyun pushes forward onto one of those pavements, pace slow so they could take in the view. 

Off to a far side, Doyoung can see children running around, passing a small red ball between them as their mother watched from a nearby bench. A little over, an old man with his IV stand, accompanied by a nurse as he walked to regain his strength. When he looks up, the grounds are covered in a scatter of lush trees, the light of the sunset leaving its leaves in a swirl of green and orange.

“This feels good.” Doyoung sighs. “I was beginning to feel stuffy in there, you know?”

“Yeah, you hate not moving for hours at a time.” Jaehyun hums in affirmation. The path breaks off into two and Jaehyun takes them down the one that veered to the left. Further down, the noises grew less and less, and Doyoung appreciates the sense of privacy that brought them.

“Thank you.” Doyoung says after a stretch of silence.

“What for?”

“For calling my parents. Even Taeyong and Johnny.” Doyoung explains, confident in expressing himself as it was just the two of them now. “I couldn’t think straight and was making all kinds of decisions I thought was best.”

“It’s okay. You were in pain and you didn’t want anybody to see that.”

“But you did.”

Through his periphery, he catches Jaehyun pulling a hand away from the wheelchair to let it rest on his shoulder. Doyoung took this chance and put his own hand on top to caress the knuckles in that familiar gentle motion. 

“That night...” Jaehyun begins. “It had been a long time since we had dinner together, and I was excited when you called to say you were leaving early to buy some ingredients. By the time I was waiting for you to come out of the grocery, I was trying to answer as many messages as I could so that no one would bother me for the rest of the night. But then…” Jaehyun trails off. Doyoung intertwined his fingers against Jaehyun’s, offering encouragement. 

“I saw you fall. I was so scared and so shocked that it took me a few seconds before I got out of the car. Seeing you in pain, it hurts. But then I thought, ‘what if I wasn’t there?’ Jaehyun shudders in a breath. “Who would’ve helped you? I couldn’t image you being alone in that state.”

Doyoung turns to plant a kiss on his fingers, wishing that could take his pain away. He could count on his fingers the number of times the walls of Jaehyun’s strength crumbled, and he’s sure that this is a fresh crack he wants to heal.

“In a way, I was glad that I was there. Forget my pain when I want to ease yours.”

The rest of their walk continues in silence, only stopping to watch the sun fully give way to the night.

By the time they’ve returned to the room, Doyoung parents have come back with take-out for dinner. When Doyoung recounts this day, he bemoans why must all the good days come to an end faster than the bad ones do? It’s unfair when all the bad ones ever do is threaten the integrity of the wall he’s built up against the things he manifested during the time all he ever knew was anxiety and fear. 

Jaehyun hesitates when Doyoung encourages him to go home to get proper rest. It was harder this time, the pleads and pouts proved ineffective until Doyoung brought up his parents, how they must be worried for him too. That was enough for Jaehyun to agree.

Jaehyun leans over to plant a kiss on Doyoung’s forehead before he takes his leave, promising to come back early the next day.

It had been a long time since Doyoung had spent time alone with his parents. Since the beginning of this year, to be exact. The desire to catch up with them had Doyoung listening to all of their stories from their cross-country volunteering.

Before he could prevent it, the guilt returns. Maybe he should heed its call and try to get back to work. 

Truthfully, Doyoung doesn’t want to deal with it right now. Besides, he believes his thesis-mates are more than capable in handling problems even without his presence. It’s a rare occurrence, but he’ll allow himself just a few more hours of focusing on things other than his studies.

Doyoung had just finished his breakfast when Jaehyun arrives the next day. The crisp white button-down he wears crumples at the shoulder where the strap of his bag hangs heavy. When his eyes follow down, he recognizes the bag to be the one Jaehyun uses whenever he goes to class. 

“You’re skipping today?” Doyoung asks. 

“Kind of. Why?” Jaehyun replies, placing his bag atop the small table.

“I should be asking you that.” In the years he’s known him, Jaehyun had never skipped a class. God forbid his competitive ego will eat him alive if he did.

“I can afford to skip class when it’s about you, angel.”

A blush burns through his cheeks, pseudo-steam rising that make his eyes tingle.

“But if you really wanna make sure, I told my professor that I’d be working on my drawings outside of class.”

“And the professor allowed you?” Doyoung quirks a brow.

“I may have used my name a little bit.” Jaehyun chuckles, holding up a finger to his mouth. “But that’s just a secret between us, yeah?”

“I can’t stand you sometimes!” Dooyung laughs, hand coming up to try and slap Jaehyun on reflex.

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.” Jaehyun coos, catching his arm.

Doyoung’s breath hitches when Jaehyun pulls himself close into his space. Heartbeat picking up pace when Jaehyun tilts his chin up with his other hand, body bending forward to land only a short distance from his lips. It had seem so long since he’d seen that look in his eyes; tender, loving, wanting. 

Their gazes lock and Doyoung could feel his chest constrict with excitement yet he tries to resist, wanting to revel in this moment of pleasurable tension. In the blink of an eye, Jaehyun closes the distance between them, plush lips encapsulating his dry ones. No matter how many kisses they’ve shared before, the passion in each of them never wavers, only burns strong. 

It had never crossed his mind that his body had been so high-strung that the gentle motions of their kiss had his chest caving in, shoulders relaxing, soul submitting. Oh, how he had needed this. 

“Yeah, I do love you.” Doyoung breathes, chasing Jaehyun’s lips for one final kiss before they truly part, smiles on both of their faces.

“Sit on the bed with me?” Doyoung scoots over to the side of his bed, it was rather unceremonious, but he makes it work without jostling his ankle too much.

“I don’t think we’ll fit, baby.” Jaehyun turns from booting up his laptop, chuckling when his scans his eyes across the bed.

“It’ll work! Please?” Flashing a pleading look that’s sure to make Jaehyun weak in the knees.

Doyoung preens when Jaehyun gives in, waits for him to settle into the vacant spot before resting his head on his shoulder, watching him open several tabs of his work. 

“Is that…?” From the bottom corner of the screen is a familiar handwriting, cursive and twining that forms his signature.

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, instead moves his browser to one side to reveal that he had kept his love confession as a screensaver.

“Why?” Doyoung’s reduced to a whining mess, head jerking away to see a smug look on his boyfriend’s face, and all he wants to do is to smush it in affection and annoyance.

“It’s my inspiration.” Jaehyun teases with a wink, dodging his incoming slap, “I imagine it more vividly each time I look at it.” The mood shifts, now meaningful in its intent. Doyoung can’t find a single word to describe the look Jaehyun’s sharing with him at this moment. But as his gaze swims deeper into it, something tells him that Jaehyun might already have a complete picture of the future in his head.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think that was drawn by an architecture student.” Doyoung says, head leaning back onto Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“It wasn’t, that’s for sure.” Jaehyun replies, Doyoung resists a snort. “But I’m gonna make sure that the love this person gave in that drawing will come out in the home that I make in the future.”

“Did I hear that right? But I heard that this person has places to be once he graduates.”

“That’s okay. They both know that at the end of the day, this home will be the place he’ll always come back too.”

“God, I could kiss you again, Jae.”

“Then why don’t you?”

Doyoung lifts his head, turning to nose his way from Jaehyun’s chin up towards his cheeks. Each time Jaehyun acts coy, he’s very much tempted to string himself along, to draw the moment out by giving them both something so close, yet so far. But as Doyoung plants small kisses all over the side of his face, he throws the idea away and plunges his lips on Jaehyun’s.

The kiss feels like a continuation of the one before. When Jaehyun opens a little bit wider to let the tip of his tongue poke through his mouth, it escalates into a play of wandering tongues and heavy breaths.

Doyoung presses his body against Jaehyun’s, searching of a deeper touch. Heat spreads through his body, feeling it most as a searing, ghostly touch on the tips of his casted toes.

But the shrill ring of a cellphone breaks them apart.

“What is it?” Though he was annoyed at the interruption, that couldn’t compare to the panic and frustration that was erupting within him as his thesis mate bore the news that the location coordinator had fully revoked their reservation after being unsuccessful in retrieving the contract.

“Why didn’t you find it?” Doyoung seethes, trying to give the other a chance.

_ “We were waiting for you to call back. We didn’t want to do anything without your say.” _

“Don’t you realize that maybe I hadn’t called back because I was still at the hospital?!” He rests a fist against his forehead, feeling a migraine come along. 

Jaehyun’s looking at him now, worry returning to his features and Doyoung has to set aside wanting to yell over his thesis mate in favor of seeing this from a reasonable point of view. 

They both found themselves in circumstances they had no control over and the consequences was just something they have to deal with. This project wasn’t just for them, Doyoung thinks. It’s for all of the children they could possibly help too, and he’s willing to do anything to see it through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here! What do you think? ^^
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos and comments! That really puts a smile on my face!
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/wakeupmoonchild)  
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	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything continues to crumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I began writing this chapter, I had a completely different idea for it. But this is what came to life, instead.

The call had wiped everything else except for the dormant guilt, regret and pressure jolting awake from the depths of Doyoung’s mind.

As if being swept off his feet, him being planted on the bed felt like a distant memory as his mind bursts into a run, carrying his thoughts with him.

Suddenly, his nerves fire up with the desire to move; away from this bed, away from this hospital, anywhere but here. Doyoung’s hands were the ones that act first, surging forward to grasp at his cast.

“Angel, what’re you doing?” There’s urgency in Jaehyun’s voice, but he chooses to ignore it in favor of sliding his fingers in-between the cast and cushions in an attempt to get it off the bed. The slight lift sends a spark of pain through his leg, and out his mouth in a yelp.

An attempt to try again was interrupted when he feels Jaehyun’s hands wrap around his wrists, firm in its hold and unyielding as it pulls his own hands away from his ankle. Once it had gained an appropriate amount of distance, Jaehyun releases them and swiftly catches his ankle to set it back down gently against the cushions.

“Doyoung.” Jaehyun’s voice had taken the same nature of his grasp, and Doyoung grows nervous. “What was that?”

“I wanted to get off the bed.” Doyoung recognizes that tone, and it doesn’t take multiple encounters with it to know that beating around the bush was useless.

“And why is that?”

Doyoung searches his eyes, seeking a place in them where he could feel just that bit of confidence to try and weasel his way out with an excuse. “We had a problem.” Doyoung sighs, admitting it to be useless. “We lost a contract and now we have no place to hold the event.”

“And getting off the bed with a broken ankle will solve that problem?”

“Yes.” Something snaps within him, unappreciative of the way Jaehyun was reminding him of his predicament. “Turns out even when I’m injured, I don’t really get to have some semblance of peace.” These kinds words were rare, even for him. But he’s feeling welcoming of the anxiety that gains within him.

“Doyoung, you’re being unreasonable. You still have a day until you’re even allowed to walk.” The tone of Jaehyun’s voice grows softer halfway through, giving way to a plead and Doyoung breaks through the growing wave of anxiety. Jaehyun would never hold him back without good reason.

“I know that. But...” The wave gains on him once again. “The event’s in two weeks and I have no time to spare.” Doyoung pleads with his eyes once again. This time, it’s not for a kiss, but for Jaehyun to help him find a way.

“I’ll go see if I can call the doctor.” Jaehyun sighs, getting up from the bed and making his way for the door. 

When Jaehyun’s hand is mere inches from the handle, it opens to his parents who were on the other side. Doyoung’s mother is clutching a phone halfway from her ear and an uneasy expression on her face. It doesn’t strike him with concern because a look like that was reserved for matters of their charity. When his mother had talked about an emergency, Doyoung wholeheartedly let them go because acts of service runs in their veins.

It takes the rest of the day to arrange for Doyoung’s early discharge.

Doyoung arrives at the front entrance with his mother. There’s a slight wobble to his posture as he tries to get into a comfortable stance with the crutches. It’s strange, how he was actually capable of bending the rules just to get what he wants. Like how he begged the doctor to let him go, blatantly ignoring professional advice in favor of what he wanted. The recollection makes him realize that he’d been disrespectful. After all, what harm could it have done if he’d just stayed another day?

Doyoung makes a promise to himself to do better over the next steps of his recovery when his mother’s voice takes the foreground of his attention.

“All the things are loaded up in the car. Are you sure you don’t want us to stay?”

The question tempts him. It’s been a long time since he’d been nursed and cared for by his mother, always opting to handle illnesses on his own ever since he learned to operate a stove. 

“I’m sure, mom.” Doyoung nods. “Those children need you more than I do. Besides,” Doyoung turns to the right where Jaehyun is making the final arrangements of their belongings on the back of his car. “I have Jaehyun with me.” It’s true, the children needs his parents more than he did. But Doyoung won’t deny the fact that this was an opportunity to ease his parents worries on both ends. 

His mother’s still unsure with the way her eyes shake slightly. But he encourages her with a kiss on the cheek and the gummy smile she treasures most in the world. “We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.”

The smile he gets in return is telling of her choice to set aside reluctance and giving way to trust her son. “Okay, but call me if you need anything.” 

Doyoung nods again as he watches his mother walk away, getting into the car where his father was waiting with a hand in the gear shift. They both wave at each other until the sound of the engine whittles away into silence.

“Ready to go?” This time, it’s Jaehyun that comes up to him from the few steps of the hospital’s front entrance with an expectant look on his face. Doyoung hums in agreement and his boyfriend moves over to one side to guide him down the stairs.

The motion’s unusual. With every push of the crutches forward, his body loses a few seconds of gravity, and Doyoung fights the instinct of putting his ankle down to find footing to lean his body on the crutch pads. The discomfort is frustrating, making him feel like a puppet with its strings tied in all the wrong places.

It doesn’t last long as the short walk to the car leads him to the beginnings of coordination. But just when he started to get a grasp on them, Jaehyun’s hands are already cradling him by the waist and head to guide him to the backseat of the car, folding the front seat so that he can prop Doyoung’s leg there.

“Thank you.” Doyoung says as soon as Jaehyun gets in the driver’s seat.

“Don’t thank me yet.” Jaehyun starts the car, the rev of the engine has Doyoung itching to move. “You may have gotten out a day early, but you have to take extra care of your ankle.”

“I know.” Doyoung busies himself digging for his phone from the duffle bag beside him. “No moving too much, no touching or getting the cast wet and absolutely no falling.”

“You won’t get to do the things the way you normally would.” Jaehyun takes a quick glance at him from the rearview before pulling out to the road. “But what’s a few weeks, right?”

Doyoung hums, eyes and fingers already dancing across the screen of his phone.

When they pull up to a parking spot at the basement of an apartment complex, Doyoung doesn’t get the chance to open the door as Jaehyun’s already rounded the car to his side to do it for him.

No longer confined in the hospital’s watchful eye, he needed to help himself get through the simplest of things such as getting out of the car. Grounding from his right foot, he sucks in a breath and lifts his left foot from the front seat to travel the short distance past the door and sets it gently on the pavement, his right foot following shortly after.

Crutches come down next, making sure they’re rooted at the right angle before Doyoung lifts himself up to stand. The sight brings a proud smile on Jaehyun’s face and that alone is enough to make him smile in return.

Their walk up to their shared apartment had been a part of their everyday life. But as soon as they stepped foot into the lobby, Doyoung felt like it had transformed into a video game where he had to dodge every neighbor and their dog lest he wanted return to the hospital. The reprieve comes in the short elevator ride to their floor and the walk down the hallway to their door.

When Doyoung was at the hospital, the days stretched on for long, even bled together at some point. Even when he’s inside their home, it still felt like time had not taken back its shape with how pristine it looked like.

“It’s like we never left.” Doyoung remarks, moving further inside.

“That’s because after you sent me away the other night, I cleaned this place up after seeing my parents.” Jaehyun closes the door, walking past him towards the sofa to clear a spot of pillows.

“Good because I’m about to jump into a call with our client.” Doyoung follows soon after, lowering himself softly onto the sofa with a sigh.

“Baby, we just got here.” Jaehyun pulls a cushioned stool and rests Doyoung’s ankle there.

“And the reason why is because I wanted to handle this fast, right?”

It’s obvious when Jaehyun is resisting from saying something. A hard look settles on his face and red creeps on the tips of his ears. Most times, Doyoung would encourage him to open up because he’d rather have a lengthy discussion than passive-aggressive snipes. But this isn’t most times because he thinks they’d be better off to table the discussion for another time.

“Right. I’ll go help you set up.” Jaehyun crosses the doorway to their room and only then does he let his shoulders slump and his back rest against the sofa, a wave of anxiety questioning how fast he can set things right with the client later on.

When Jaehyun returns, he helps Doyoung set up his laptop on a lap desk before walking back to their room without a word. Whether that was to give him privacy or to express his frustration or both, he shelves that for later in favor of presenting a resolute front when the video call opens to the frantic face of the client.

The sun’s already setting by the window by the time Doyoung’s finished with the call. A migraine clutches at his forehead and he presses a fist against it, taking a deep breath to help calm down. Soft footsteps emerge from the doorway and he doesn’t have to look to know that Jaehyun’s concerned at the sight he sees in front of him.

“It didn’t go so well?” Jaehyun asks, taking his place beside Doyoung on the sofa.

“Client thought that losing the venue might be a sign.” The migraine intensifies and he squeezes his eyes together, seeking relief.

“A sign for what?”

“That we shouldn’t push through with the event.”

“Your client’s not the only one who’s going to be affected if they decide to drop it now.”

“That’s what I said. Good thing I managed to convince them to give it another chance.”

Jaehyun moves to pry his fist off of his forehead, fingers smoothing out the wrinkles in between his brows.

“Why don’t I make you some soup?” Jaehyun’s let go of the hard look on his face now, and it makes Doyoung let go of the need to talk about the tension they shared hours before. 

“I’d love that.”

The shrill ring of his phone permeates through the entire apartment, prompting the frown to return. For a moment, Doyoung thinks the creases on his forehead will leave permanent marks before he answers and puts the call on speaker mode.

The voices of his two other thesis mates filter out of the receiver as Jaehyun gets up to make his way to the open kitchen. While Jaehyun pulls out ingredients from the cupboards, Doyoung listens to the building concerns of the people on the other line.

After their venue reservation had been revoked, his thesis mates had acted in the heat of the moment and warned the rest of their sponsors involved in the making of their event. It had already been too late when they realized that that wasn’t the best course of action to take because they are now asking to be pulled out from the event, insecure over whether or not Doyoung and his team can give them the benefits promised if they show up.

The pounding in his head moves like a heartbeat and the wave begins to gain momentum. Doyoung throws his head back, trying to keep them both at bay.

“Let me talk to them. Calm them down.” It’s with that finality that his thesis mates stand down. Doyoung ends the call and throws his phone to the other end of the couch, hands running down his face and landing on his lap.

As he stares into his hands, he’s reminded of the months of preparation he’d worked so hard for. Every meeting was set up to gain every sponsor’s approval by proving that their event was sustainable for child trafficking awareness, to convince experts to have talks, to curate every detail of it to make sure all of the information is taken in without scaring people off. 

Now the threat of it all falling apart is gaining on them. It’s frustrating how solving one problem bore a new one and he can’t blame anyone. So, he decides to blame himself.

He doesn’t even realize that he’d been crying until he hears the clang of a ladle, rapid footsteps and arms leading him to rest on a warm chest.

The wet spot on Jaehyun’s shirt grows and Doyoung whimpers, making a move to push off but the arm cradling his shoulder presses him back and further into Jaehyun chest. A soft kiss lands on the top of his head, pushing out more tears from his eyes.

It becomes hard to swim around the waves and Doyoung wishes he’d have stayed for that one more day at the hospital if it meant that his mind wouldn’t split apart by each and every emotion that demanded attention right now.

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, only runs a hand repeatedly through his hair and plants occasional kisses to his temple and it quells the noise inside his head. Even when he’s been quite harsh on him a while ago, Jaehyun would still drop everything for him.

“Jae...the stove.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Jaehyun chest rumbles in a laugh and Doyoung looks up to see his face curve into that wonderful, dimpled smile. “We can eat when you’re ready.”

Doyoung closes his eyes in admission, a small smile breaking through the same time his stomach churns a growl. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

Jaehyun gingerly moves Doyoung back to rest on the couch before returning to the kitchen and procuring two bowls of hot soup. As he walks back, Doyoung grabs two couch pillows from one end and places them over their laps before Jaehyun settles the bowls on top.

For every spoonful, Doyoung grows just a little bit calmer, a little more sated. Doyoung swirls his spoon around for a few rounds, watching the tiny scallions and carrots swirl in a colorful circle and he doesn’t even know why he keeps on forgetting that food can simply make you feel better, even more so when it’s made from Jaehyun. 

It’s also a tendency of his to forget that each time Jaehyun makes soup, it coaxes him to open up. But he won’t hold it against him. Sometimes, it’s in the things beyond words that help you feel safe and vulnerable. “What can I do, Jae?” 

“You can do a lot of things.” Jaehyun says. “You can get angry, you can get sad--”

“But what if I believe what they said? To just give up?”

Jaehyun puts down his soup on the coffee table in front and faces him. “I know you love this cause more than anyone else. So, I also know that you’ll do anything you can for it.”

Doyoung mulls over his words. There’s no denying the fact that doubt has taken more reins in his mind but the conviction he hears from Jaehyun is helping to cast it away in favor of hope taking back control.

“I don’t even know how to begin solving this.”

“Honey, you do know.” Jaehyun’s hand is running across his hair again and he instantly leans against it. “Remember, you’re smarter than me when it comes to those things. I’m only someone who’ll support you. Help you, even. If you need it.”

“No, I don’t wanna trouble you like that.” Doyoung groans, he does not want to put his weight on Jaehyun’s shoulders. “Besides, you have your finals coming up too. Those drawings aren’t gonna solve themselves.”

“I can always ask my parents.”

“No!” Doyoung shoots up from his seat. “Don’t tell your parents that’s the last thing I want!”

“Why?”

“Because...” Doyoung skids to a halt. Telling Jaehyun what was on his mind can wield an outcome he might not be ready to face head on. “...it’s nothing.”

“That’s not nothing, Doyoung.” Jaehyun resists to yield once more and he’s beginning to regret reacting on impulse. “Why don’t you want me to tell my parents?”

There’s many things, really. All of which can be traced back to the first time Doyoung met his parents.

That night, they stepped off of Jaehyun’s car to the Jung home. Just like it’s family, their powerful yet discreet nature translates to how the dark wood and glass panes forms the exterior of the home, as if to say that you are welcome to only see a part of us. 

But it told a different story when they came inside. It told of the family’s creativity and tight-knitted relationship with the way the warm colors blend with the accented bright ones, and how the inviting furniture was positioned to create a space where people could be together instead of apart.

Doyoung snaps out of his reverie when Jaehyun offers to take his coat. As he finished putting it up on the stand, they hear footsteps coming in from one of the rooms of the house.

“Ah, so this is Doyoung!” Doyoung meets Jaehyun’s father halfway with a firm handshake. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’m Jung Yunho.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you too, Mr. Jung.” Doyoung bows his head, slightly intimidated by weight of Yunho’s unwavering confidence. “Thank you for inviting me to your home.”

“Oh, shush.” Yunho waves it off with a huge grin. “My wife and I have been dying to meet you. Come on, I think she’s almost done setting up in the dining room.”

Yunho leads them to the room where he came from and once past the doorway, a petite woman turns to face them, the frills of her yellow dress flowing along with her.

“Oh, you boys are finally here!” Jaehyun’s mother wipes her hands from the apron wrapped around her waist and welcomes Doyoung with an embrace. “I’m Hyerin!” She pulls back to flash Doyoung a bright smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Jung.” Doyoung bows as soon as they part. “You look beautiful.”

“Oh, it’s one of my favorites!” Hyerin chimes. “Thank you, Doyoung.” 

She leads them all to their seats at the table before they begin to eat over the spread Hyerin had prepared for them. When everyone had settled over their own plates, conversation flows and builds over the pleasant sound of cutleries.

“Doyoung, I heard that you want to be involved with charities.” Yunho starts after taking a sip from his glass.

Doyoung straightens his posture, attentive towards Yunho’s words. “Yes, sir. I want to help charities communicate effectively across all their audience and constituents.”

“That’s interesting. Tell me more about how you can do that.”

Pressure builds from the depths of his gut, but it’s one where Doyoung rises to the challenge of. “Well, sometimes we may have good intentions. But when we try to express them, it gets lost in translation. That’s what I’m here for.”

From his periphery, he can see a corner of Jaehyun’s mouth quirk into a smirk, pride oozing off of him while he continues. “Especially for charities that help child trafficking victims. They can get distracted with presenting hard facts that they don’t realize they’re scaring people off instead of encouraging them to get involved.”

Judging by the way Yunho nods, Doyoung can tell that he’s impressed him. 

“Positioning your career to help people is meaningful, Doyoung.” This time, it was Hyerin who speaks up. “When Yunho and I first started, we made sure to know what problems we were solving with every home we design.”

“And we still do to this day.” Yunho interjects. “Of course, this path is never easy, and there will always be problems. But what’s important is that you can hold your own during those times.”

There had been a completely different image inside Doyoung’s head about how a “meet-the-parents” dinner should go. Something that dabbled around small talk and surface questions he’d been prepared to answer.

Yunho and Hyerin shattered that by revealing a sliver of their vulnerability, and it catches him in a stutter before taking it in and thanking them for the advice.

There wasn’t a time where Doyoung had forgotten their advice. But one of the mysteries he’d yet to solve was how those well-meaning words had been exposed to the waves when he otherwise thought they weren’t violently crashing against the shore. Born out of it were the many insecurities Doyoung is hindering to slip from his lips as Jaehyun’s question still hangs in the air.

When Doyoung had first caught on to Jaehyun’s nature to know everything, he knew that it’ll be both a blessing and a curse. Over the years, he’d seen both manifest through experiences that strengthened and tested them as a couple and because of that Doyoung trusts Jaehyun. He’s proven time and again that he will never throw anything he says against him. Now, he’s not so sure.

“Forget I asked.” Doyoung deflects with a slight shrug of his shoulder.

“Doyoung--” So, it begins. Serious conversations between them had always been heavily laced with vulnerability, especially from Doyoung. It’s evident that Jaehyun’s steering them in that direction with the way he uses his name to press on. If Doyoung ever wants to succeed shutting him off, then he has to make him angry.

“Just--” He forces his voice to harden. “...don’t, please? I don’t need you meddling right now.”

During the times when Doyoung hadn’t seen the value of Jaehyun’s trait, he’d call him this particular word each time. Using it now is Doyoung first strike to snap a nerve.

“What did you say?” And it works.

“You heard me.”

“Is that what you think this conversation is? We’ve been over this so many times, Doyoung.” It brings a twisted sense of relief to hear the rise in Jaehyun’s voice, encouraging him to keep on.

“Yeah, but here’s what’s not getting to your head.” Doyoung matches Jaehyun’s tone. “Sometimes, I just don’t want to tell you things. You can’t force it out of me either.”

“You talk about it as if you weren’t the one who forced to get out of the hospital early and pushed through with a client call minutes after we got home.” Admittedly, it’s a valid point. Expected it even. But just like calling Jaehyun a meddler made him angry, being called out on his distasteful actions opens the floodgates.

Doyoung realizes with a start that he can never shut Jaehyun out. 

“As if you’re not used to that, Jaehyun!” Doyoung breaks, voice escalating into a yell. “I’ve been working non-stop for months because this is important to me. There’s no denying that I want to help, but my future’s on the line too. What if this fails? I won’t graduate on time. If I don’t graduate on time, I’ll lose the job that’s been waiting for me on the other side. If I lose that, now what?”

“Now what?” Contrary to Doyoung, Jaehyun’s voice have taken a step back to something softer. “You find another way. Life doesn’t always have to follow our plan. If it fails, then we can try again. It’s not the end of the world, Doyoung.” 

“You don’t understand!” Doyoung throws his hands in the air. It’s getting harder and harder to believe everything Jaehyun’s says, even if it’s true. “I have a plan because I know it’ll give me what I want--”

“And what do you want?” 

“I want to prove that I can do it!”

“You think you haven’t?” Only then did he realize how Jaehyun’s no longer fighting him with fire. “I may not know the details, but I can no longer count in my fingers the sleepless nights you’ve endured to prepare for this. That alone tells me that you’ve proven whatever you needed to prove. Isn’t that enough?”

“It won’t be if it doesn’t happen.”

“You’re not seeing the point, Doyoung. This plan of yours, you can do everything to make it happen. But you can’t control everything outside of that. You can’t control people, you can’t control situations. The best you can do is to ride the tide.”

“Whatever.” Doyoung seethes. The future had always been a daunting subject for him regardless of the support he’s been so fortunate to have. Hence why’s he trying to control it, wanting to make sure that it’ll shape according to his will.

“Doyoung...”

“Just...I don’t wanna talk anymore. I’m tired.” Doyoung wants to walk away, but the cast resting heavy on the ottoman is a stark reminder. “Can you leave me alone, please?”

Silence hangs heavy for the few minutes between them. In the end, even if Doyoung had become vulnerable, he’d at least avoided telling the truth with another truth. His eyes trail away the same time Jaehyun wordlessly gets up from the sofa and retreats to their room.

It’s scary, Doyoung thinks. How the waves have engulfed him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here! Tell me what you think?
> 
> Please leave some kudos and comments! Sending you much love, wherever you are!
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wakeupmoonchild)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wakeupmoonchild)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it crumbles, so it builds itself back up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter comes a little bit later than what I had planned. I'd given myself the week prior to enjoy doing nothing in celebration of my birthday and I'm not gonna lie, it feels good. It let my mind refresh itself! Regardless, I still encountered some bumps in the road while writing but nothing like a deep breath and a few breaks can't handle.
> 
> Thank you to Tiffany and Leah, for allowing me to vent to you both during those bumps in the road. 
> 
> This is for anyone who's ever been injured (physically and emotionally), and are trying to best to keep the waves at bay.

“That’s a first.” Taeyong mumbles, pulling the handbrake when he deduces that they’ll be stuck in traffic for longer than they’d anticipated. “These things don’t last when it comes to both of you.”

Taeyong’s right. There hadn’t been a fight that lasted without one of them caving in, wanting nothing more than to talk it out. It had been a week since their last conversation, or lack thereof, and from then on the days had been reduced to small talk and toeing around each other in the apartment. Eventually, he couldn’t stand the tension between them anymore and decided to do things on his own. The only chance they both got a breather was if one of them left the apartment. Doyoung made sure that he was always the first one out the door.

Without someone to help him, Doyoung had realized how hard it was to even live with a cast. Simple, mundane things like walking, cooking, dressing up had been as much of a challenge as having back-to-back conference calls. Even going to the bathroom was a struggle. Enough to make Doyoung ditch the crutches and just crawl the short distance from their bed, slowly and softly enough that it doesn’t stir Jaehyun awake. He might’ve just risked his injury, but at this point, he’d rather have that than face Jaehyun’s frustration again.

It took him three days before he’d had enough and called Taeyong in a desperate cry for help. Hence why he’s been carpooling with him to and from the university. But today’s a little bit different. Instead of the university, Doyoung had pleaded with Taeyong to take him to the new venue that his team had managed to book last minute.

Thinking about it, it had well been in his capacity to reach out and talk to Jaehyun. It wasn’t like they went through great lengths to fully shut each other out. Doyoung made sure to lift the blanket up to Jaehyun’s chin before he left the apartment, Jaehyun still made him food for when he came home and he’s busy with his drawings in his home office. They both still slept in their shared bed, albeit there was that distance between their bodies. But Doyoung just can’t find it in himself to bridge the gap.

He knows when Jaehyun’s giving him an opportunity to talk, if the frequent “bathroom trips” from his home office were any indication and it irks to see himself not take it. He’d been in a battle with himself on whether he should do the right thing or continue keeping up the silence as if he didn’t trust his boyfriend. But the thing is, he doesn’t trust Jaehyun at all. Not at this moment. There’s this fear telling him that maybe this time, after countless conversations about it, Jaehyun would be too tired to understand.

“Doyoung? You okay over there?” Taeyong’s voice brings him back from his reverie.

“Have you ever had this kind of argument with Johnny before?” Taeyong scoffs, moving gears as soon as the light turns green. Before Jaehyun had become a meaningful presence in his life, it was Taeyong that Doyoung had always leaned onto whenever he faced troubles he alone couldn’t find an answer to. Never once did he feel like he was intruding on Taeyong’s time because Taeyong had always made him feel safe in the thoughts most people would exact their harsh judgement upon. For that reason alone, is why Doyoung finds it easier to open up to him instead.

“Of course we have.” Taeyong replies, pausing for a moment while he makes a turn. “God knows how many times I’ve doubted if Johnny ever truly loved me.”

“Did you tell him? Why you doubted him?”

“I didn’t at first.” Doyoung had come into Taeyong and Johnny’s lives when they were already at a place of stability. Their maturity had been so ahead that he honestly thought that they were the ones lucky enough to not hit as much of a rough road as other couples. But when Doyoung sees the somber look in his eyes, he immediately understands that they’re no different.

“Johnny had been so giving, so loving. He’d been so devoted from the start that I felt like I was being played.” Taeyong takes in a deep breath. “He was the poster child for young adult heartthrobs while I was the one for...”

“...the underdogs.” Doyoung finishes for him. Taeyong is unbelievably smart and kind, but university breeds a different kind of stupid that it forces even people like him into the shadows in favor of championing the ones with the loudest voices.

“Yeah and that has gotten both of us into all kinds of fights. You name it, we’ve been through it. But it was on one particular night where I’d realized something important.”

“What is it?”

“You might remember this, but back then even with all of my achievements, I thought I was undeserving of it all. Even love. For a long time, that was what pushed me to do better. Until one day, I failed an exam. That had driven me nuts and Johnny was there to see it all. It got me thinking that if Johnny truly played me, he would’ve left the second I put myself in a corner to cry. But he didn’t. That’s when I realized that I was too caught up in my own insecurity to see how genuine he was with his feelings.”

There’s a small smile that accompanies the way Taeyong’s eyes brighten, and it doesn’t take much for Doyoung to understand that that was the last of the storm in Taeyong’s past. “And that’s when I finally opened up to him. Johnny had given me the space I needed to overcome it. When I came back, I finally saw him for him just as how he saw me for me.”

That leaves him with a wonderful feeling in his heart. A hope that things can get better. But for Doyoung to get there, he must first pass through the barrier of his own anxiety.

“I should talk to him, huh?” Doyoung asks.

“You should.” Taeyong gives just a little bit too quickly.

“I’m sensing a but there...”

“But maybe you should think about why you need to. You and I both know very well that this goes beyond your desire to prove something.” In all the years he and Taeyong had known each other, they’ve learned to become perceptive to even the subtlest of signs wedged deep between their conversations. “Do you want to talk to him because you truly want to work things out? Or do you just want to make your anxiety go away?”

Doyoung isn’t even surprised, he’s expected this from Taeyong. But it takes a while for him to respond. Of course he wants to work things out with Jaehyun, but he’s unsure if doing so will quell the anxiety that is still crashing hard against the shores of his mind. Doyoung decides to keep mum, deciding that this could wait for a better time.

They finally pull up to the venue and Doyoung slides easily out of the front seat of the car. He bids goodbye to Taeyong after his best friend reminds him that he’ll come back in the time they agreed upon before driving away.

Doyoung makes his way inside, feet finally in harmony with the crutches. When he looks back, the first few times had been a test of his patience and if he were to be honest, he hadn’t expected to arrive at this point sooner. 

The venue’s slowly starting to get together, and Doyoung’s glad that he’s there because most of their suppliers and sponsors had wanted him to sign off on some contracts and gain clarification for layout arrangements. He’s even met up with their client and shared their equal excitement for the event next week. It makes him feel just that tiny bit more confident and he wishes Jaehyun could see it, for he wants him to know that there’s one less burden to worry about. But he guesses it to be too late because he’d already delivered that message in a much less savoury way. 

It dawns on him that maybe he’d been too harsh on Jaehyun. All he ever wanted was to take care of Doyoung, make sure that he was okay, that he wouldn’t succumb to the waves. Yet, he refused to see that, selfish in the way he chose to be inconsiderate of Jaehyun’s acts of love.

When your shoulders are heavy with an onslaught of problems, it’s easy to allow the frustration to dictate you, unlucky are the ones to be on the receiving end. Doyoung’s sure he’d done that to Jaehyun. But the man had been patient. There was never a time where Jaehyun had said anything remotely negative with the way he had handled matters. If there ever was, Jaehyun made sure to hold back his tongue. But it still begs the question of why Jaehyun had been patient at all. 

As his mind tries to come up with an answer, his phone rings to his mentor asking to meet for one last consultation before flying off to a conference. If it was anyone else, it would’ve been easy for him to decline, but this was their thesis mentor and every little bit of effort to show up mattered.

Considering his options, it was way too early for Taeyong to come back as he was still in a review session with his own thesis mates. He debates calling Jaehyun, but drops the idea when he recalls that at this time of the week, Jaehyun’s day is full of drawing classes. Even if he pushed through with it, the time it would take for Jaehyun to bring him back to the university would make him miss the meeting.

Overcome by stress and by the seeming lack of options, he decides to bring himself there. Added assurance comes from his phone navigation saying that it’ll only be a twenty minute walk.

During the first few minutes, Doyoung had been confident that he’ll make it. But as the sun began to beat down, walking with crutches on an increasingly winding road became a feat too difficult to overcome.

But he refuses to give up. Everything he did was for this final pivotal moment of his college career, one that would become the foundation for the rest of his life. Doyoung had promises to fulfill, promises of a long-dreamed plan coming to fruition, promises of proving to other people that he can hold out when things get tough, promises to himself that he can do all of these things without breaking down.

Just as fate would have it, it all comes crashing when one of his crutches catches onto a small hole on the sidewalk, sending him falling over with a crack.

When Doyoung had recovered from the shock, a fleeting thought of dejavu makes him whip his head to check on his cast. Although he couldn’t see any visible damage, the pain that spiked from his ankle made him fear for the worst. He doesn’t know how much time has passed, but from the amount of passerby casting him a worried glance is enough for him to assume that he’ll never make it to the meeting.

Tears are forming on the corners on his eyes when he calls a number and doesn’t wait for the other person to speak when he sobs.

“Jae...” Pride be damned as tears spilled down. “I fell and I can’t stand up...and I just need your help.”

“I’ll be right there, okay? Don’t move. Don’t do anything until then. I’ll be right there, just wait for me.” In the mess of tears, sobs and the frantic voice of his love, Doyoung knows that no matter what, he can always turn to Jaehyun.

The familiar walls of the hospital leave an ugly feeling in Doyoung’s gut. He’d expected to return with a healed ankle, but as he’s swiftly brought in for an x-ray, he can only hope for the best.

Thankfully, his ankle wasn’t gravely affected. Although Doyoung was now under strict orders of bed rest for the remainder of his recovery period after the event. He listens this time. All he’d ever done since he’d broken his ankle was grapple with the push and pull between acceptance and denial. He wanted to ease everyone’s worries by trying to deny his injury but that only served to makes things worse.

So when they’ve arrived back at their apartment and Jaehyun settles him on their bed, Doyoung gingerly takes his hand as a silent plea to stay.

“I want to apologize.” Doyoung wounds his fingers tighter around Jaehyun’s hand as soon as he settles at the edge of the bed. “I haven’t been good to you.”

Jaehyun doesn’t say anything, and it does nothing to quell the nerves vibrating across his skin. “I just didn’t want to believe that I’d hurt myself. I did everything to make it seem like it wasn’t affecting me at all because if I believed in that, then it would’ve been easy for me to convince you all of the same. But then I saw how my mother still worried, how Taeyong and Johnny tried to comfort me, how you continued to take care of me and...all I wanted was to feel normal.”

“It’s alright to feel that way.” Doyoung regrets to have been stubborn and not hear his voice for the past few days. Jaehyun’s voice was music to his ears. “Being injured makes you feel like you have no control. You have most of the functional parts of yourself hindered. Knowing you...” Jaehyun lets out a soft laugh. “I’d expected that you’d do anything to gain a semblance of control back.”

“But that doesn’t give me the right to be selfish, most especially to you.” Doyoung breathes out, feeling himself slowly open up. “I had pushed you away at every chance I could get because I was too into my own insecurity that I assumed you’d never understand what I was going through.”

“Why would I not understand?” Jaehyun asks, eyes flickering in desperation.

Doyoung takes a deep breath. “It’s about what your parents said when I first met them.”

Jaehyun frowns, confused. “What do you mean?”

“At the time, they said something about holding your own during hard times.” Doyoung begins, slipping two of his fingers away to pick at the skin. “Those words hadn’t come at a better time because back then, we still couldn’t find a client our mentor approved of and I was the only one that held us all together. I thought...yeah, this is what it meant by holding your own. It meant staying on your path when everybody else is threatening to leave it. That...” 

Doyoung trails off, trying to find the perfect words to convey what he truly felt. “...was helpful. It truly is, because not everybody’s going to see things the way you do all the time. But somehow, that got tangled in my anxiety and it made me become closed-off.”

There’s silence draping over them. With bated breath, Doyoung can pick out the emotions that whirl in Jaehyun’s face -- confusion, frustration, before something dawns on Jaehyun.

“It makes me feel relieved to hear you say that. I’d always known of your anxiety, and I already had an idea that you being closed-off was something born out of that. But I didn’t want to force you to open up because I know that these things take time.”

It dawns on Doyoung that this is the answer he’d been looking for. Jaehyun was patient because he wanted Doyoung to come to him in his own terms. That’s why in all of the arguments they’ve had, it never reached a point where he felt pressured to explain himself more than he needed to.

“You could’ve asked.” Doyoung said, eyes downcast.

“But would that have made you open up to me like the way you are right now?” Jaehyun asks, thumb gliding through his knuckles.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Doyoung shakes his head, tears collecting in his eyes. He can’t believe how lucky he was to have Jaehyun in his life, someone that had accepted Doyoung for all that he is, good and bad and loves him all the same. “I’ll work on this, I promise. I hope you won’t get tired of me.”

Jaehyun lifts Doyoung’s hand up, kissing the knuckles one by one. “Never.”

***

It’s the day of the event and Doyoung’s running late.

He’s double-checking the contents of his bag while Jaehyun moves the back seat before helping Doyoung inside.

“Baby, you need to drive fast!.” Doyoung says, head ducking low so as not to hit it while sliding into the car.

“Hell no, I’m not doing that.” Jaehyun retorts, making sure Doyoung’s foot is settled on the folded front seat before shutting the doors.

“Pray tell, how’re we gonna get there on time?” Doyoung chides, fingers moving with a mind of its own to send text messages to his thesis mates.

“Just trust me, okay? I will get us there without jostling your ankle.” Jaehyun’s already in the driver’s seat, jamming the key into the ignition and starting the car.

“Why didn’t you wake me up on time?” Doyoung groans.

“Uh, I did! But you kept on swatting my hand away asking for five more minutes, four times.” Jaehyun’s already out of the apartment’s parking lot and on the road, driving them at 60kph.

“This is not doing it for me, Jae. Push it to 80!”

“Do you want us to get caught?”

“Just drive!” Doyoung’s burst into laughs now, amused at the frantic situation they found themselves in.

“I better get a reward for this or something.” Jaehyun laughs along with him, silently pushing the speed to an in-between of 70kph.

“Whatever you want, baby.” Doyoung muses, a genuine wide grin on his face.

They safely make it to the venue, and Doyoung’s already halfway inside when Jaehyun calls for him.

“For good luck.” Jaehyun stops mere inches from him before fishing out a small item from his pocket. Doyoung trails his eyes along the direction in which Jaehyun’s hand is going, watching him tie a bunny keychain around the handle of a crutch.

“When did you get this?” Doyoung asks, a blush tinting his cheeks.

“I got it when we were still arguing. There was this booth inside campus that sold these and I already missed you so much that it didn’t even take a second for me to buy it.”

He fiddles with the keychain, watching it sway in the small space it hung from. “It’s cute.” Doyoung mutters, the blush growing vibrant. “Thank you.”

Jaehyun plants a kiss to Doyoung’s lips before walking in-step with him inside.

The venue is teeming with people from guests to staff, all presently engaged in the various activities. Doyoung’s thesis mates spot him and greeted him with warm smiles and excited quips before being swept away from Jaehyun’s side to greet the rest of the people.

If Doyoung were to be honest, he hadn’t expected the turn-out to be as successful as how he’s seeing right now. Even their mentor who had arrived just in time was observing with a pleased look. He’s been on-edge about it since the beginning and decides that today will be one where he’ll let go of the iron grip he’s had over himself and his team for months. After mingling with the last of the staff, Doyoung allows his thesis mates to do most of the ground work. For now, he’s careful not to overwork his ankle and observes in a corner just in case they needed an extra hand.

Taeyong and Johnny arrive to offer their support. Doyoung wants to burst from his seat, but settles with just straightening up his back and offer them both a couple of high-fives before letting them immerse in the event. Doyoung also encourages Jaehyun to go along with them too and his boyfriend obliges, leaving with a kiss to his forehead.

A little while later Jaehyun returns with food for both of them, eating together as Doyoung takes in the view.

“You’re right.” Doyoung speaks into the air, deep in thought. “Life doesn’t always have to follow a plan. I’ve been ignoring that for a long time now. And it took getting myself injured to realize that.”

“You’re headstrong.” Jaehyun says. “And that’s both good and bad. But I think what’s important is that you’re still open to change. Even if it sometimes takes a broken ankle to make you see it.”

The comment pulls a laugh out of Doyoung. “I don’t think I’ve mentioned how annoying this cast is!” He groans, resisting the urge to pick at the edges of the cast. Instead, he focuses on the drawings littered there. This was the only time Doyoung had taken a good look at the animals that are now starting to fade in the plaster and he memorizes every bunny, penguin and porcupine drawn in varying colors. “But I’d keep it if it means I can frame it up against our wall.”

“Just take a picture of it.” An amused smile plays on Jaehyun’s lips. “It’s actually last longer.”

Like he’d predicted it, his thesis mates had gathered everybody to the center of the main stage for one huge group photo. As he’s nestled between the important people in his life, Doyoung smiles while proudly showing off his cast. To him, it no longer was a sign of defeat, it was now a sign of triumph.

After the event, Doyoung’s spent the rest of his recovery just like what the doctor ordered. He happily lies in bed bingeing Netflix shows cuddled up in Jaehyun’s arms, or playfully nagging at his boyfriend on how to cook his favorite dishes. Sometimes, Doyoung spends his afternoons exploring Jaehyun’s lips. It’s a bit awkward since he can’t turn his body around to drape it over Jaehyun’s, but they make it work. Doyoung wants to thank Jaehyun for everything.

But it’s just one of those days where Doyoung wants more.

Jaehyun’s just arrived from class and from the living room, Doyoung watches him put down his keys and phone on the console, eyes trained on the way the fabric of his button-down moves to accentuate the lines of his body. It sparks a flame deep in his gut, wishing he could just pin him against the wall and suck bruises onto the exposed skin of his collarbone. But he’s not about to risk his ankle just for that so he breathes in deep, willing himself to wait until Jaehyun’s within his arms reach.

“Missed you.” Doyoung whispers, capturing Jaehyun’s lips in a kiss. “Want you.” He presses his lips back, deeper this time and hoping Jaehyun senses the rising urgency.

“You do know you’re still in a cast. I can’t just sit on your cock.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow, as if reminding Doyoung of the glaringly obvious.

“I know that, baby. But I just want you to touch me.” Doyoung’s hands run gently up and down Jaehyun’s sides, asking permission. “Please?”

Jaehyun stares at him, mulling over his request. It begins to feel like it’s taking a while and Doyoung’s about to take it all back when Jaehyun slinks down to his knees, coaxing his good leg apart.

Doyoung relishes in the heat Jaehyun’s hands leave behind as they travel from his knees and up his thighs, stopping mere inches from where he wants them. Jaehyun does this several times over, pressing light kisses on both of his thighs.

“Don’t tease.” He rasps, the heat in his legs became the blaze that fills his cock, having it press tight against his jeans. Doyoung tries to move in search of friction, but Jaehyun stops him with a press of a hand on his hips.

“Let me do all the work.” There’s a smug look on Jaehyun’s face as he moves to unzip his trousers and free his hard cock. Doyoung watches him trace a finger from the base until the tip, and hisses when he stops to play with the precum that’s already forming at the slit.

The rest of Jaehyun’s fingers wrap around his cock and move in gentle strokes that do nothing but to slowly drive Doyoung insane. “Please, just please, Jae.” He breathes out, reaching a hand out to guide Jaehyun’s to move faster. But Jaehyun makes a grab for it, making sure it’s pinned to the side on the couch before he wraps his lips around the head.

Doyoung groans at the sudden movement, and he can’t help but jerk his hips forward to try and sink in deeper. Jaehyun relaxes his cheeks to let him in until his nose meets his groin.

“Fuck.” Doyoung chokes at the way Jaehyun closes around him, throat wrapping tight at the tip.

Just like what he did with his hands, Jaehyun moves his head slow to feel every ridge and vein in his cock before pulling off with a resounding pop. He darts his tongue out to lick more of the precum before diving back down again, making sure that each time he does, his nose presses flush against the base.

As if electrified, Doyoung hands fly to grab at Jaehyun hair, pulling at them to make him go faster. It doesn’t take a second try for Jaehyun to get the message and speed up the bobbing of his head. 

Doyoung’s never seen such a beautiful, erotic thing in his life. Jaehyun’s hair is threaded around his fingers, button-up creased all over and he’s on his knees sucking his cock as he notes the rays of the setting sun landing on his features. Along the way, he sees Jaehyun move a free hand down to his own crotch, fingers working to set his own cock free and touch it in the same pace as his mouth.

“Jae...I’m gonna...” The pleasure builds and builds and he can hear Jaehyun whine, a sign that’s he’s close as well, until he can no longer hold back and he cums inside Jaehyun’s awaiting mouth. Jaehyun follows soon after, cum spurting out into the floor.

Jaehyun takes it all until the last drop, letting Doyoung go lax against the couch before he gingerly pulls off and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Good?”

Doyoung nods, too sated to even speak. It’s been a long time since they’ve been this intimate and his injury had only made them long for each other more.

Jaehyun moves to rid himself of his pants and boxers, letting the ends of his button-down fall over and cover his soft cock before walking over to check at Doyoung’s ankle.

“We should probably save the sex until you’re out of the cast.” It’s moved a little bit to the side and Jaehyun sports a concerned look on his face.

“Mm. At this point, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Why? Because we’re both insatiable?” Jaehyun looks at Doyoung with an amused look.

“Yeah, and you love me too much to resist.”

Jaehyun laughs, and the sound rings bright around the apartment. “Yeah, I really do.”

***

Doyoung fulfills his promise and heals just in time for the championship game.

He’s seated in between Jaehyun and Taeyong while Johnny’s positioned near the court, his signature hat in place as he gives directions to the camera man next to him.

They all follow along to the screams and cheers each time their team scores and Doyoung doesn’t even care if he can’t hear his own voice, what was more meaningful to him was that he could feel the way his feet thrum with the energy from the stadium, his toes curling as if they’re celebrating the newfound freedom he’s found after the emotional turmoil he’s been through.

Doyoung looks at Jaehyun, engraves his look of joy into his memory and he’s so thankful. For he allowed this part of him to happen, for Doyoung to grow on his own yet never leaving him alone. How just a moment had finally made him overcome the waves.

When the shore clears, all he sees are the moments he’ll share with Jaehyun from now on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're here!
> 
> It's finally the end of this story. This is my very first fic and it may very well have mistakes and loopholes. But I'm leaving them as it is! As I've said before, the main purpose of my writing this is to explore difficult emotions and I'd like to report that I have explored them and have been quite pleased with what I found. To more exploring in the future!
> 
> If you got to the end, I hope you liked it and found comfort in it.
> 
> Thank you so so much!
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wakeupmoonchild)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wakeupmoonchild)


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